How's forever? Is forever good for you?
by MarlieTheVampireSlayer
Summary: Buffy never felt more lonelier in her life. Her mother is dead and Dawn ,being the key, is in great danger. Angel visits to pay his respects. Buffy wants to take this opportunity to talk about their relationship.
1. Forever Alone

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters**

**This story takes place in the season 5 episode "forever"**

Tara walked towards Buffy. _She must feel so lonely._ _Yes, she has friends and her sister, but after her father left, their bond grew. They had their differences, but they never stopped loving each other. _

"Hey. Dawn is kind of ready to go… Is it okay if we take her?"

Buffy glanced at Dawn, who stood nearby Willow. She tried to comfort her, even though she knew it had no use. Dawn felt miserable and couldn't even look her sister in the eyes. _Buffy doesn't even care, _she thought_._ _She's been running around like it's  
>all been some big chore. Mom didn't mean so much to her as it does to me. <em>But deep downDawn knew she was wrong.

Buffy realized Tara was waiting for her answer.

"Yeah. She should probably get out of here."

"What about you? We can wait, if you want."

"I'm okay. Thanks."

Buffy gave her a little smile.

"Thank you for… I just want to…"

"It's okay, I…, we understand."

Tara gave Buffy a little nod and leaved the cemetery with Willow and Dawn, whose gaze was downcast, not looking at anybody.

Buffy was now alone. She stared at her mother's grave. _Children shouldn't bury their own parents. It's not supposed to be this way. Dawn needs her mother. __I__ need my mother._

Suddenly something moved at her shoulder. Buffy quickly turned to see Angel. She was surprised. _How can he be here so early? Oh right, it's already dark._ Buffy looked him in the eyes. She called him a few hours ago. She didn't want to disturb him, knowing he was busy helping the hopeless with Cordelia and Wesley in LA, but he was the only one she could really talk to.

Angel's face was full of compassion and sorrow. A beat. Buffy slipped her hand into his. They didn't know how long they stood there, silently watching the grave of Joyce Summers in grief. Finally, Angel lead her to a tree and signaled her to sit down. She did as he wished and leaned into him, while Angel wrapped his arms around her.

_She doesn't deserves this. Like her life isn't difficult enough. Being the slayer, fighting forces of darkness, losing her friends - and now -losing her mother. Why does it have to be so hard for her. I wish I could stay, but I would make things even worse. We can't be together. Even as friends… Spike was right__. __We're not __friends__._ _We'll never be friends_.

Angel noticed Buffy was trying to say something. He could see she was trying to hold it together. _My dear Buffy, you don't have be strong, not with me._

"The funeral was… It was brutal… But what I'm really worried about is tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?"

He knew what she meant, but he asked it anyway. She needed someone to express her feelings with.

"That's what I don't know. Up 'til now I've had a road map - things to do, every minute, that had to do with mom…"

"And tomorrow the stuff of everyday living resumes."

She sighed and looked at the ground.

"Which everybody expects me to know how to do because I'm so strong."

"Not right away. I'm sure everybody understands that you need time."

He lied. _Sure, her friends do everything for her. They would even give their very own life for her. However, they can never fully understand Buffy in ways I do. She __has__ to __carry the weight__ the world. She can never have a normal life. Not even a normal relationship. _

"Time's not the issue. I'm good at sticking wood in vampires, but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better, what to say…"

"You'll find your way. Not all at once, but…"

"I don't know…"

Buffy took his hands. A shiver went through Angel's spine. He thought that after working and living in Los Angeles for almost two years, his feelings for her would have been decreased. 

"I keep thinking about it, Angel. When I found her. If I'd gotten there ten minutes earlier-"

Angel quickly recovered.

"You said they told you it wouldn't have made a difference."

Buffy her eyes got wet. She had to tell someone her dirty secret.

"No. Probably wouldn't have made a difference. The exact thing they  
>said was <span>probably<span>. I haven't told anyone that-"

_She's being way to hard for herself…_

"That doesn't make it your fault. You couldn't have done anything different."

Buffy's eyed widened in anguish.

"I didn't even start CPR until they told me to. I fell apart. That's how good I am at being a grown up."

"Buffy-"

"If I just had me to worry about…  
>But Dawn…"<p>

_Oh no…_ _I forgot to tell Angel about Glory and the key/Dawn. _

Angel noticed Buffy got tensed.

"Is there something with Dawn?"

Buffy took a deep breath and told him about the monks, the fake memories, Glory… She told him everything she knew.

Angel was shocked. He didn't want to believe it, but knew Buffy was right. He always felt there was something "wrong" with Dawn. He pulled her closer.

"It's okay. It's okay. You don't feel like it now, but you are strong, Buffy. You're going to figure it out. And you have people to help you. You don't have to do it alone."

He paused and added:

"Not with me around…"

Buffy looked at the sky, scared and small.

"I can stay in town. As long as you want me."

"How's forever? Is forever good for you?"

Angel felt a sting in his undead heart. He wanted to be with her so badly, but they couldn't. He's immortal, she's not. _The curse… _

Buffy saw his worried look

"There's a bad idea. I'm seriously needy right now."

Angel knew he shouldn't ,but still stroked some hair from her face and said tenderly:

"Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it."

Raw and vulnerable, Buffy looked at him - wanting to believe it. Wanting him closer. She leaned forward and kissed him. He responded gently - meaning to comfort, but the intensity built quickly, the desire bubbling just under the surface. Buffy would have liked nothing better to forget herself with him - and he felt it powerfully. They broke away from each other.

"Told you." 

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm so grateful you came, Angel. I didn't think I was going to make it through the night."

Angel closed his arms even tighter around her. They were both pained and comforted by the powerful bond between them.

"Were you serious about me being here for you, forever?"

"Of course I was"

"Even after you had a normal relationship… With Riley."?

"I don't think our relationship was as normal as you think."

"What do you mean?"

Buffy put her hand behind his head . _He has no idea…_

"I don't think we have the time to talk about it right now. Sunrise is coming."

"You still love him, do you?"

"No, I don't. There is only one person I love and he is right in front of me."

Angel looked pained, which surprised Buffy.

"Buffy… You know I will always love you, but I want you to be with someone who can take you into the light, who can…"

One of Buffy fingers gently touched his mouth.

"I know what you want to say. Don't."

She gave him another kiss.

"Can you stay here for one more day? You can sleep on the couch at my place. I'm just not ready for you to not be here.

Angel gave her a little smile.

"Of course"

**To be continued**

**Next chapter: Buffy tells Angel about her break-up with Riley and Angel talks about the Shanshu prophecy.**


	2. The key to happiness

**Thank you guys, for the follows and review(s)! This is my first fan fiction, so I was very afraid of the feedback, which luckily turned out to be positive. **

**Here's the next chapter…**

While walking to her house, Buffy Summers was trying to order her thoughts. She felt completely lost, didn't know what do to next with her mother gone and her true love walking right in front of her.

_Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't I just be happy? Have a family? Be together with Angel?_

She hadto restrain herself at the cemetery. She knew she shouldn't have kissed him, it only makes it harder for them to say goodbye.

_But I don't want him gone. There has to be a way for us to be-_

Out of nowhere, a vampire jumped out of the bushes.

"I really don't have time for this"

She put her hand in her pocket, trying to take her stake and be done with it.

"Hey!", Angel growled, "Has nobody ever told you how to be a gentlemen?"

Angel punched him in the face followed by a little dusting.

"Thanks Angel, liked your little speech too"

He gave her one of his famous crooked smiles.

"We have to hurry though, I don't think you're a fan of tanning."

Angel took her hand: "let's go then!"

Buffy reached for the doorknob, but Angel held her back.

"Wait, does Dawn know I'm here?"

"No, nobody does."

Angel understood why. _It will only make things more complicated. I don't want Xander and Giles to be mad at her. I doubt they'll ever be able to fully comprehend the bond between me and Buffy._

"Besides, she's staying over at Willow's dorm room. Which is good, because I don't think I can comfort her. Not with how I'm feeling right now."

"Maybe, you should call Willow. Just to be sure."

"OK"

They went inside, after which Buffy dialed Willow's number and Angel looked at the pictures at the wall.

_The perfect family. Well, maybe not that perfect. _He took a closer look at Dawn's portrait, wondering which memories were fake and which ones were real. He remembered that when he was Angelus, Jenny ordered Dawn to walk towards her. Mrs. Calendar already knew his soul was gone. _If Buffy wasn't there on time, I would have killed her little sister. _Suddenly, Angel felt like he was stabbed in the stomach. _The thought alone… _When he got his soul back, Dawn was one of the few people who forgave him, gave him a second chance. _I don't care what the monks said, she still is as real to me as she was before._

Angel could smell the sunrise ; thus, rushed to close the curtains. His attention was abruptly drawn by a picture that lay on the floor under a couch. Slowly, acting like it was something of much value, he grabbed it.

_Her boyfr… Ex-boyfriend._

In the picture a sunburnt Buffy gave Riley a kiss on the cheek. They were at the beach, both glowing of happiness.

Angel's throat felt sore. He felt miserable. _I shouldn't feel so jealous. I wanted her to have a healthy relationship_ _and she listened. So why do I feel so…_

"We looked happy, didn't we?"

Angel was startled by her sudden presence.

"At least I thought we were."

"Buffy, I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about it."

"No, I want too. You see Angel, I don't think you have the right image about my past relationship with him."

**I know, I know… this chapter doesn't have the talk about Riley and the Shanshu prophecy. I promise they'll talk about it in the next chapter. Don't kill me please :x**


	3. Surprise

**Thank you guys, for the follows, favs and reviews!**

**Here's the third chapter…**

* * *

><p>"Riley broke up with me, because he realized I could never love him the same way I love you."<p>

Angel was in shock, didn't know what to say.

"When I came to LA, I treated you so bad. I'm so sorry Angel, I-

Buffy collapsed to the floor and began to cry. Angel softly stroked her back, trying to calm her down.

"I lied to you Angel, I LIED! I AM A LIAR!"

"Buffy it's okay."

"No, it's not. Remember what I said to you about Riley in LA?"

Of course he did. He thought about it every day. Making it even harder for him to keep on fighting, helping the hopeless, earning his redemption.

_**"I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. - It's very new. You know what makes it new? - I trust him… I know him."**_

He played the memory of it in his head, over and over again, like it was some kind of movie. Angel swallowed hard.

"I remember."

He almost whispered it, because he was afraid to make Buffy feel even more guilty.

"You were right that day, I was acting like a little brat. I wanted to hurt you, make you jealous.

She paused to wipe her tears away.

"I just wanted to make you pay for leaving me. I know that I had no right."

Buffy was afraid to look into his eyes. _No wonder he did. I always act so immature around him. _

Angel muttered: "But, you had feelings for him, right?"

"I did. I mean… I-I cared for him, didn't want him to get hurt… But I never allowed him to get close. I was not willing to give him my heart."

He gently turned her face into his direction, noticing she was shaking. _Buffy… I'm not mad at you, I can't and never will. _

"Is that the reason why you broke up with him?"

"No, he broke up with me. Riley wanted to take care of me, wanting me to let him in…"

"You're not telling me everyth-."

"HE LET HIMSELF GET BIT BY VAMPIRES!"

Angel was startled by her sudden outburst. He didn't know Riley that well, but never expected this from him. _How could he do this to her!? _

He balled up his fists and even made a growling sound.

"It's okay, Angel."

Buffy felt a little bit better after het outburst. _I didn't want to jell. I have to make sure Angel doesn't hurt Riley. _

"No it isn't."

"Angel, please listen to me."

She stroked his jaw line, knowing that it will calm him down.

"It doesn't matter anymore… My mother died and I thought I could never make it another day, even an hour. However, you came and made me feel alive again. For some strange reason seeing you, lights up my world, my whole existence…"

Buffy frowned for a second, before rewarding him with a little smile.

"I've just realized that was a little bit ironic."

They both started to laugh.

"So…"

Angel wanted to say something, but what? She just confessed her love for him. Told him he is still the one for her. _All this time I thought she was over me. Thought she loved him more, because of all the things he could do with her. Going to the beach, having a picknick at the park, making love…_

Out of nowhere Buffy kissed him. He was surprised, but still kissed her back. _What am I doing!? _This kiss felt even more intense than the one they shared at the cemetery. All the memories of their relationship came right back to the both of them. Especially the good times…

* * *

><p><strong>Originally, this story was going to have three chapters. However, due to the positive feedback, I've decided to make it a little bit longer. <strong>

**This is why this chapter only contains their talk about Riley, but not the one about the Shanshu Prophecy. I'll use that one for a future chapter ;)**

**Please write a review, it keeps me motivated :) **


	4. Promise

**Please write a review, it keeps me motivated :) **

**Here's the final (?) chapter…**

* * *

><p>They lay together on her bed, wrapped in each others' arms, her head on his chest.<p>

_She looks like an Angel. _He observed while stroking her head.

They didn't made love, although they both wanted to. Angel claimed he didn't want to take advantage of her while she's still grieving about her mother's dead, but she knew the real reason of his rejection was the fact that he could lose his soul, again.

So instead, they kissed and hugged for hours. When Buffy fell in sleep, Angel stared at her beautiful face. He kept thinking about Buffy's "speech".

"_**you came and made me feel **__**alive **__**again. For some strange reason seeing you, lights up my world, my whole existence…"**_

He felt exactly the same way. For more than a century he did unspeakable things. When he got his soul back, he didn't know how to atone for all his sins. He was lost in the darkness. Then he met Buffy. _In more than 243 years I've loved exactly one person. _

Buffy moaned and opened her eyes.

"Angel."

Even when Buffy only says his name, he always gets goose bumps.

"Hi there."

"How long did I sleep?"

"Two hours, you really needed to get some rest."

"Yeah, I guess so…"

She stood up, which enabled him to see her face.

"Angel, do we still have a future together?"

He immediately thought about the Shansu prophecy.

"There's a prophecy-"

She quickly turned, facing her lover with tears in her eyes.

"Prophecy?"

"The Shanshu prophecy… The vampire with a soul… Once he fulfills his destiny, he will Shanshu. "

"Angel, drop the cryptic, what does Shanshu-"

"It means I will become human."

Her jaw dropped. _There's a chance he becomes human?! That means no curse, that means… we could grow old together._

"Buffy, This isn't going to happen tomorrow, or even this year… Wesley told me I have to survive the coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a plagues and fiends that will be unleashed."

And in just one second, Buffy lost all hope.

"So, it could take a century, before you turn human, what means…"

_There's a great chance it will be fulfilled after my death._

Like he could read her mind, Angel instinctively wrapped his arms around Buffy and gave her a sweet kiss on the forehead.

"Angel"

"Hmm"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course, I would do anything for you."

She swallowed, doubted for a minute, but eventually looked him in the eyes.

"Promise me, you'll find your way back to me when you're human."

He thought about their lost day. Eating ice-cream together, sharing the same bed without worrying he could lose his soul. They were so happy together…

"I promise."

She gave him a kiss and told him he should go.

"Dawn can be here any minute now. "

"I understand."

He wanted to stay, but he knew it will only make things more difficult for them. She has to take care of her little sister and friends, while he needed to regain his ex-employees their trust.

Before he left the bedroom, he looked at her one more time and said:

"I won't forget my promise."

She nodded, feeling numb because of his departure.

* * *

><p>The further he was removed from her house, the lesser she could feel him. Buffy could always feel him on the inside when he was near. Back at the graveyard her Angel-sense was going haywire, but she was too distracted with her mother's dead to notice him. However, after spending a whole day with him, she couldn't ignore it anymore.<p>

After a few minutes, she didn't feel him anymore. _He's gone._

She pulled her legs up and cried her guts out. Buffy was alone again.

Suddenly she heard a noise. _Dawn's back._ She rushed to the bathroom and freshened herself up.

Before saying hello to Dawn she whispered :

"Going through the motions"

* * *

><p><strong>I want to thank you guys so much! This is my first fan fiction, so I am very grateful for all the positive feedback I've received.<strong>

**I'm planning to write a continuation that will probably take place after the episode "The Gift". **

**So if you want to know what will happen with them next, then please follow me for further updates.**

**Thank you! :)**


End file.
